He has confessed more, we're now standing at twelve. He says he doesn't want to hide anything any more, he needs a clean slate if he is to have victory, no hidden secrets. And so on Thursday I'm told of women I didn't even know or suspect and he is released from the shackles that have bound him. He is set free. Nothing shocks me any more, but it's Saturday afternoon and still I can't get out of bed. Yesterday was a good day, what happened to today? He slips in behind me, draws me into him and lets me lean back against his chest. He doesn't try to make me feel better by apologising once more or whispering his good intentions and promises into my hair, he knows his words are not comforting, instead they throw me into turmoil. I don't experience them as trustworthy. So he quietly starts reading in his deep, gentle voice. The Word washes over me as my tears try to wash away my hurt. He reads Proverbs, chapter after chapter. "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge... He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones...
Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well... Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer - may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated my son by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man's wife?... With persuasive words she led him astray; she seduced him with her smooth talk...
A wife of noble character is her husband's crown..." and he kisses my hair, tears flowing.
"Hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life..." and I wail. How I try to practice hope - doubt and fear squeeze the little I have from my veins, my heart is sick. And how I long, I desperately long for a Godly man that is restored and whole.
He continues reading the trustworthy words.
"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart... Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight..." until the hurt is finally replaced with hope and then he prays over me until the storm has subsided and I can breathe again, smile again.
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