That's it he says, the root cause of all the affairs - God revealed it to him. He experienced rejection and shame in the womb and at birth and has been looking for acceptance and validation ever since.
No amount of validation, acceptance and edification on my part has filled this gaping hole... and nor have the countless women. Being a born-again Christian for nearly 30 years, hearing the "Who we are in Christ" -truths have not either.
So what will? An encounter with the living God that will make head knowledge, heart knowledge? So that he will KNOW that he is accepted, has what it takes, is all he should be, as experiential knowledge? I can't give this to him and I feel helpless.
All I can do is ask my Jehovah that the lies be revealed for what they are, ask for protection and trust my loving Father for a revelation of the truth to his HEART.
Another reason he needs to be home to heal: Being invited home implies acceptance. And in the mean time I need to trust Jesus for my healing, that my hurt won't cause more rejection... a vicious cycle.
The past sin may be under the blood, but the memories are stirred daily. Having him home stirs memories, his words make me hurt, make me angry. I don't believe him when he says he loves me, he has regularly said it for the past 25 years but continually nullified it through his unfaithfulness. I don't believe him when he says his world revolves around me, he said it too while he was orbiting in and out of other solar systems. I don't believe him when he says everything he does is to make me happy, when he tries to make me believe that all he has ever done and does is self-sacrificial because his affairs have been incredibly selfish.
I need a new beginning, new lines, new experiences, new memories if this is to work. I too desperately need a revelation of the TRUTH to my heart.
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